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Friday, March 9th, 2007
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11:08 am
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| Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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9:18 pm - Bad Ass Marine
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A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting. "It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. ..............So, He sent me."
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
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3:26 pm - do this
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| Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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6:57 pm - Why I love the Irish
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Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the
microphone..."Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the
silence..."Fookin stop doing it then!"
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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8:55 pm - the fema genie
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A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an FEMA ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work....You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy... "I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says...
"I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story:
If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 18th, 2005
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11:19 pm - a little poem for you
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The Night Before Katrina
'Twas de night before Katrina, when all tru da state
Not a gas pump was pumpin', Not a store open late
All da plywood was hung, on de windows wit care,
Knowing dat a hurricane, Soon would be dere.
Da chilren were ready wit deir flashlight in hand
While rain bands from da hurricane covered over our lan
And Mom wit her Mag-lite, and me wit my cap
Has jus filled da battub for flushing our crap..
When out on de lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from da closet to see what was de matter
The trees on da terrace, and de neighbor's roof torn,
We feared we'd be dyin' in dis terrible storm.
Wit a little wind gus, so lively and quick,
I membered quite clearly our walls was not brick
More rapid than Eagles, her courses they changed!
And she whistled and wafted and surged all the same.
Off shingles! Off sidings! Off rooftops! Off power!
Down trees! Down fences! Down trailers! Down towers!
On da street of New Orleans, she continued to maul,
Screaming Blow away! Blow away! Blow away all!
As da wind ripped and tossed da debris tru de sky,
I peeked out the shutters at the cars floatin' by.
So go to the attic my family did do,
With a portable radio and some batteries too.
And den in a twinkling, I heard on da set,
The end was not coming for a few hours yet!
As I calmed down da kids and was turning around
Tru de window it came with a huge crashing sound
A tree branch it was all covered in soot
De wind blew it smack-dab on top of my foot!
A bundle of twigs now lay in a stack
And my Livin' Room looked like it was under attack.
De wind how it howled, de storm very scary,
Myself and my family were all too unwary.
Da dangers of hurricanes are serious ya know,
Dey are taken for granted as Betsy did show.
Wit da winds dying down and da danger beneath,
I noticed my tool shed was missing its sheath
So I grabbed my last tarp, and nailed it on down,
Den I got in my car and drove into town.
Da traffic was awful and stores had no ice,
My 5-gallon cooler would have to suffice
Generators was scarce, not one left in town,
Dere was trees on the roads and power lines down.
FEMA was ready wit people to work,
Electrical companies came in from New York.
I sprang to da car, and gave my family a whistle,
Den away we all went like a Tomahawk missile!
You could hear us exclaim as we drove out of sight,
"The heck wit dis place, Texas seem just right!"
(Author unknown)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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12:36 pm - meet my new puppy!
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| Saturday, October 15th, 2005
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3:48 pm - haha
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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10:51 am - soooo cute
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| Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
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9:12 pm - an e-mail i got
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What the news does not show...
This is from a Medical Doctor in Mississippi.................
Thought I might inform the few friends I have on my recent traumatic experience. I am going to tell it straight, blunt, raw, and I don't give a damn. Long read, I know but please do read!!!
I went to volunteer on Saturday at the George R. Brown convention for two reasons.
A: I wanted to help people to get a warm fuzzy.
B: Curiosity.
I've been watching the news lately and have seen scenes that have made me want to vomit. And no it wasn't dead bodies, the city under water, or the sludge everywhere. It was PEOPLE"S BEHAVIOR. The people on T.V. (99% being Black) where DEMANDING help. They were not asking nicely but demanding as if society owed these people something. Well the honest truth is WE DON'T. Help should be asked for in a kind manner and then appreciated. This is not what the press (FOX in particular) was showing, what I was seeing was a group of people who are yelling, demanding, looting, killing, raping, and SHOOTING back at the demanded help!!!!! So I'm thinking this can't possibly be true can it???? So I decide to submit to the DEMAND for help out of SHOCK. I couldn't believe this to be true of the majority of the people who are the weakest of society. So I went to volunteer and help folks out and see the truth. So I will tell the following story and you decide:
I arrived at the Astrodome only to find out that there are too many volunteers and that volunteers where needed at the George R. Brown Convention Center. As I was walking up to the Convention Center I noticed a line of cars that wrapped around blocks filled with donations. These where ordinary Houstonians coming with truckloads and trunks full of water, diapers, clothes, blankets, food, all types of good stuff. And lots of it was NEW. I felt that warm fuzzy while helping unload these vehicles of these wonderful human beings. I then went inside the building and noticed approximately 100,000 sq. ft. of clothes, shoes, jackets, toys and all types of goodies all organized and ready for the people in need. I signed up, received a name badge and was on my merry way excited to be useful.
I toured the place to get familiar with my surrounding; the entire place is probably around 2 million sq. ft. I noticed rows as far as the eye can see of mattresses, not cots, BLOW UP MATTRESSES!!! All of which had nice pillows and plenty of blankets. 2 to 3 bottles of water lay on every bed. These full size to queen size beds by the way where comfortable, I laid
in one to see for myself. I went to look at the medical area. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing!!! A makeshift hospital created in 24 hours!!! It ! was unbelievable, they even had a pharmacy. I also noticed that they created showers, which would also have hot water. I went upstairs to the third floor to find a HUGE cafeteria created in under 24 hours! Rows of
tables, chairs and food everywhere - enough to feed an army! I'm not talking about crap food either. They had Jason's deli food, apples, oranges, coke, diet coke, lemonade, orange juice, cookies, all types of chips and sandwiches. All the beverages by the way was put on ice and
chilled!!!! In a matter of about 24 hours or less an entire mini-city was erected by volunteers for the poor evacuees. This was not your rundown crap shelter, it was BUM HEAVEN.
So that was the layout: great food, comfy beds, clean showers, free medical help, by the way there was a library, and a theatre room I forgot to mention. Great stuff right????
Well here is what happened on my journey -
I started by handing out COLD water bottles to evacuees as they got off the bus. Many would take them and only 20% or less said thank you. Lots of them would shake their heads and ask for sodas! So this went on for about 20-30 minutes until I was sick of being an unappreciated servant. I figured certainly these folks would appreciate some food!!! So I went upstairs to serve these beloved evacuees some GOOD food that I wish I could have at the moment!
*** The following statements are graphic, truthful, and discuss UNRATIONAL behavior***
Evacuees come slowly to receive this mountain of food that is worth serving to a king! I tell them that we have 2 types of great deli sandwiches to choose from - ham and turkey. Many look at the food in disgust and DEMAND burgers, pizza, and even McDonalds!!!! Jason's deli is better than McDonalds!!!! Only 1 out of ten people who took something would say "thank you" the rest took items as if it was their God give right to be served without a shred of appreciation!!! They would ask for Beer and liquor. They complained that we didn't have good enough food. They refused food and laughed at us. They treated us volunteers as if we where SLAVES. No not all of them of course.but 70% did!!!!!! 20% where appreciative, 10% took the
food without any comment and the other 70% had some disgusting comment to say. Some had the nerve to laugh at us. And when I snapped back at them for being mean, they would curse at me!!! Needless to say I was in utter shock. They would eat their food and leave their mess on the table; some would pick up their stuff, but many would leave it for the volunteers to pick up. I left that real quick to go down and help set up some more beds. I saw many young ladies carrying mattresses and I helped for a while. Then I realized something;there where hundreds of able bodied young men who could help!! I asked a group of young evacuees in their teens and early twenties to help. I got cursed at for asking them to help!!! One said "We just lost our f ##### g homes and you want us to work!!" The next said "Yo Cracker, you got a home , we don't" I looked at them in disbelief. Here are women walking
by carrying THEIR F#####G BEDS and they can't lift a finger and help themselves!!
WHY THE F## K SHOULD I HELP PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMESELVES!!!!
I waved them off and turned away and was laughed at and more "white boy jokes" where made at me. I felt no need to waste my breath on a bunch of pitiful losers. I went to a nearby restroom where I noticed a man shaving. I used the restroom, washed my hands and saw this man throw his razor towards the trash can...he missed. he walked out leaving his disgusting razor on the floor for some other "cracker" to pick up. Even the little kids where demanding. I saw only ONE white family and only TWO Hispanic families. The rest where blacks; sorry 20% to 30% decent blacks. and 70% LOSERS!!!!!
I would call them N*****S, but the actual definition of a n*****r is one who is ignorant, these people were not ignorant..they where ARROGANT ASSHOLES. The majority of which are thugs and lifetime lazy ass welfare recipients. We are inviting the lowest of the low to Houston. And like idiots we are serving the people who will soon steal our cars, rape, murder, and destroy our city while stealing from our pockets on a daily basis through the welfare checks they take. We will fund our own destruction.
By "US" I don't mean a specific race, I mean the people who work hard, work smart, have values and morals. Only people who want to help themselves should be helped, the others should be allowed to destroy themselves. I do not want to work hard, give the government close to half the money I earn so they can in turn give it to a bunch of losers.
I don't believe in being poor for life. My family immigrated here, we came here poor, and now thank God, and due to HARD WORK we are doing fine. If immigrants, who come here, don't know the language can work and become successful... WHY THE F## K CAN'T THE MAJORITY OF THE HOMEGROWN DO IT!!! If we continue to reward these losers then we will soon destroy our great country. I just witnessed selfish, arrogant, unappreciative behavior by the very people who need help the most. Now these same people who cursed me, refused my cities generosity, who refuse to help themselves are DEMANDING handouts on their own terms!!!!!!! They prance around as if they are owed something, and when they do receive a handout, they say it's not good enough! Well you know what..these types of people can go to hell for all I care!
Richard L. Johnston, M.D.
University of Mississippi Medical Center
3805 Crane Blvd.
Jackson, MS 39216
601-981-3896 (home)
601-573-0472 (cell)
601-984-0214 (pager)
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 15th, 2005
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7:53 pm - chris rose is great
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From columnist Chris Rose of The Times-Picayune (www.nola.com):
Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana. We have arrived on your doorstep on short notice and we apologize for that, but we never were much for waiting around for
invitations. We're not much on formalities like that. And we might be staying around your town for a while, enrolling in your schools and looking for jobs, so we wanted to tell you a few things
about us. We know you didn't ask for this and neither did we, so we're
just going to have to make the best of it.
First of all, we thank you. For your money, your water, your food,
your prayers, your boats and buses and the men and women of your National Guards, fire departments, hospitals and everyone else who has come to our rescue. We're a fiercely proud and independent people, and we don't cotton much to outside interference, but we're not ashamed to accept help when we
need it. And right now, we need it. Just don't get carried away. For instance, once we get around to
fishing again, don't try to tell us what kind of lures work best in your
waters. We're not going to listen. We're stubborn that way. You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of
your yard. We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't. But we'll try not to judge you
while we're in your town.
Everybody loves their home, we know that. But we love South Louisiana with a ferocity that borders on the pathological. Sometimes we bury our dead in LSU sweatshirts. Often we don't make sense. You may wonder why, for instance - if we could only carry one small bag of belongings with us on our journey to your state - why in God's name did we bring a pair of shrimp boots? We can't really explain that. It is what it is. You've probably heard that many of us stayed behind. As bad as it is, many of us cannot fathom a life outside of our border, out in that place we call Elsewhere. The only way you could understand that
is if you have been there, and so many of you have. So you realize that when you strip away all the craziness and bars and parades and music and architecture and all that hooey, the best thing about where we come from is us. We are what made this place a national treasure. We're good people. And don't be afraid to ask us how to pronounce our names. It happens all the time. When you meet us now and you look into our eyes, you will see the saddest story ever told. Our hearts are broken into a thousand pieces. But don't pity us. We're gonna make it. We're resilient. After all, we've been rooting for the Saints for 35 years. That's got to count for something. OK, maybe something else you should know is that we make jokes at inappropriate times. But what the hell. And one more thing: In our part of the country, we're used to having visitors. It's our way of life. So when all this is over and we move back home, we will repay to you the hospitality and generosity of spirit you offer to us in this season
of our despair. That is our promise. That is our faith.
(Chris Rose can be reached at noroses@bellsouth.net)
"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
-- Martin Luther King
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 5th, 2005
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6:09 pm - simba
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my mom went back to our house today, and simba is alive!!!!! however, she's not bringing him back here b/c he's old and the ride would be too stressful for him....neighbors and my friend who lives a few streets away from me will feed him and stuff....rufus will be coming here though....i just hope he can adjust here....esp. since we are in the mountains, and their yard is not fenced....our house is ok...the people next to us have a tree on their house....louis went to his house yesterday, and they didn't get any water....thank goodness...
i'm off to UT tomorrow....i am scaredddddd....
there is a huge wasp in here.....
later!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
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6:38 pm - good
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6:22 pm - rufus
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my friend ashely was able to get back to river ridge....she and her boyfriend broke into our house to let my cat rufus out....he's alive and well! they let him outside, and left lots of food and water for him....ahsely said he was rubbing all over her....poor thing just wanted some loving....my mom's going back monday to get him....i feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders....however, there's still no sign of simba....but i keep telling myself that he's a smart outside cat that can handle himself....
my cousins and their friends brought me so much stuff for my dorm....lol, that sounds funny coming from me....they even gave me some of their clothes to borrow until i can get mine...my mom's cousin is bringing me to school since my mom will be in river ridge....i wish she could bring me though....my mom is also rescuing her friend that stayed in kenner...he doesn't have a car, so he couldn't leave....
stay strong everyone
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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1:08 pm
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well, it looks like i will be attending the university of tennessee in knoxville for my senior year of college....i start next week....NEVER in a MILLION would i have though i would be going there....they have a masters program in social work, so i guess i'm set....this is all so crazy and surreal....my cousin's neighbor gor her masters in social work form there and she's still really involved w/ them....wow...i'm so sacred....i think the school is huge....my stomach hurts....when i get settled, i'll let y'all know the number and what not....
someone from my cousin's church gave us $70....the people here are so wonderful and nice...but i feel so unworthy at times....i consider myself bellsed compared to the poor people stuck in N.O.....also, someone offered us a house free of charge...and i just heard someone offered an RV....i can never thank the people here enough....i also heard on tv that a little boy donated his tooth fairy money to a chairty to help out w/ the disaster relief.....bless his little heart...
my mom and i are freaking out...my aunt (her sister) and my uncle are in belle chasse, where it's getting bad...my uncle is a cop and my aunt is a nurse so they had to stay....they are heavily armed b/c there is a hostage situation at the hospital she works at....they're trying to get all the patients out, and then they're going to take out the guy keeping people hostage....i'm so scared....please keep them in your thoughts and prayers...
well, i'll keep you all posted...keep bringing in the updates...stay safe
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 1st, 2005
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6:27 pm - insane
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everyone is telling me to think about going to school somewhere....since we can go for free or for cheap.....i'm so fucking pissed....i don;t want to go to another school....i want my degree from loyola....i have worked entirely way too hard to get into loyola and to stay there....this makes me so fucking mad....maybe i wouldn't be this mad if it was my senior year....i just don't know what to do....the semester has already started....i might look into univ. of tennessee....it's about 1 hr and 45 min. from here....but i don't have my car, i don't have clothes, i'm scared shitless, i don't like riding in the mountains, so i know i won't like driving in them.....i don't think i could concentrate well....although it would take my mind off all of this...maybe.....i finally talked to louis today....i hadn't talked to him since sunday before we left...when will i see my friends, my boyfriend, my family, my cats, or my house again? i guess i should do some research on schools....i don't think i would make a great student right now...and i don't think i'll make a good social worker either b/c i'm am so fucked up now....
fuck fuck fuck this shit
stay safe everyone
keep updating please
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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10:53 pm - sick
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"people" are looting in river ridge...."people" stole food from a nursing home....."people" are shooting other people....and i use the term "people" VERY loosely.....i am worried sick....i can't take this anymore....i would rather a tree fall on my house than "people" loot my house....we're going back monday to get stuff, but now i'm too scared to go....my cousins told us to bring thier gun....i don't know what to do....god.....please....i don't want my mom and her cousin to go w/o me, b/c i will be worried sick about them....but i'm too scared to go....my friend said people were bathing in her pool, and she lives a few blocks away from me....i just want to get back, get some stuff, see if my cats are alive, and then die....i don't know what to do...i need drugs...i need therapy...i need to talk to louis b/c he is the only one i haven't been able to talk to.....i have to stop thinking about this....i love you all, please be careful.....i'm praying for everyone.....
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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2:42 pm - horror
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oh my god.....the world as i knew it is over....we had to leave my cats behind....rufus is inside....never found simba beofer we left....i can't stop crying about that...i'll never forgive myself for that....my mom and i took all our other animals w/ us to her cousin's in north carolina....my dad, grandmaw, brother and sis-in-law are at my uncle's in atlanta....my mom's family is ok in gonzales....some childhood friends of my mom stayed in port sulpher and were killed....i'm worried sick about my cats...my stomach never stops hurting.....any time i hear the wind pick up here, i freak out....i'm hyper sensitive....here's the landline where i am: 828-452-1916....louis, call me if you can...i'm going to try to call you after 9 pm....we're going back monday to get some belongings and hopefully our cats.....i don't even know what to think anymore....sometimes i forget about it....but it's hard....i had to take a muscle relaxer to help me sleep...this is bad....i love everyone....please be safe....
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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10:22 pm - good cause
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Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman .
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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4:00 pm - too cute!
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effinghangnail's journal
